Archive for April 13th, 2010

The Trophy of St Dean Johns

Dean Johns: the Saint of Australia, sent to teach those bloody, uncivilised Malaysians and Chinese the path in humanity


In a 990-word article, Dean Johns has managed to occupy it with sixty-eight ‘nos’ – and still counting. There are no pearls of wisdom in hack writing, easier, more profitable to simply type “no”, then paste it sixty-seven times. Dean Johns was just regurgitating the usual Malaysian sins: corruption, Teoh Beng Hock, Altantuya, Khir Toyo, yada, yada, yada. All that covers Malaysia only, but the first 250 words in the man’s spittle were reserved for – surprise? – China. And what are the sins of China? Here’s Dean Johns’s list:

  • no principles,
  • no humanity,
  • no integrity,
  • no soul,
  • no mercy,
  • no shame,
  • no honesty,
  • no transparency,
  • no truth,
  • no justice,
  • no human rights.

That’s eleven charges laid out in one sentence alone. And on what basis? It was all because China took on mighty Google and said to the Yanks: if you want to close shop and leave, well then leave. But don’t threaten us. (Google stayed on.)

Thus, we have a singular case of Google vs China that Dean Johns then spins off into 11 charges against China; it’s the 1.3 billion dirty Chinese souls. After which he meanders off to yet another, banal list of more charges but against Malaysia. That’s “creative writing”.

It’s creative writing by Dean Johns, a White Australian who – it says here – “mentors creative writing groups”. Mentor? O! blimey, you don’t say: Dean Johns mentors in the way one suppose his father and grandfather before him would have mentored children after they are trafficked out of Britain or stolen from the aborigines. It’s for the children’s sake, you see.

If China is indeed what Dean Johns says it is, then to be able to distinguish evil from good he must be a man of:

  • principles,
  • humanity,
  • integrity,
  • soul,
  • mercy,
  • pride,
  • honesty,
  • transparency,
  • truth,
  • justice,
  • human rights.

Hallelujah! That’s a lot going for one man alone, more than sufficient to make Dean Johns a saint, or the next closest thing to Jesus Christ. Or a Catholic saint, although it seems the man use to peddle advertising copies in Kuala Lumpur (remember Apco?). But we know the stories of White Christian saints in white frocks – they make young boys suck their penises after which they’d get the Church authorities to hush it up and say, malicious gossip; move along now, nothing to see. Small wonder China is such a dastardly place, totalitarian hell, according to Dean Johns, because the country won’t let in people like him, saints, anywhere near the Chinese choir boys. That, China, would be in contrast to Australia. Dean Johns: you know, we got it pacified. Those savages.

But wait: he has gotten away with a woman, “Malaysian-born” (whatever that is). Sorry for her. You have to wonder if he beats her, in Sydney, for “her own good”, he might just say. That’s White man’s righteousness, you see, and Dean Johns is eminently qualified to determine the evil from the righteous. He is a saint after all, a White saint, not above serving god, gold, glory. His father and his father’s father would have help crushed an aboriginal population – genocide – on account they were serving the will of God and King. Now, morning after the plunder, Dean Johns is just left with scraps, one miserable trophy in a woman he takes home to Australia, “after years in Asia”, so says Malaysiakini of him.

Kongzi has a line to characterise St Dean Johns and the like:


Out of a dog’s mouth will never come tusks of ivory.


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