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Archive for December 14th, 2010

A Kafir’s Prayer

At the Penang DAP Convention

Dear God:

We, the members of the DAP in Penang, stand before you united in our belief you will deliver us from the scourge of our beloved country, that is, Umno. This is reason we have come to Thou, Allah. If Jesus our Lord can produce miracles (1), if the Hand of God – I mean the God of Jesus – reaches out even to Sibu (2) – that stupid Chinaman town by the dirty river – even greater deeds shall come forth from Thou. We await Thy instructions. We believe in Thou’s Almightiness; Thou is the Omnipotent One, never equalled before; greater than all those pottery-things along Macalister and everywhere we go. Deliver us Putrajaya and we shall build Thou the greatest mosque in Southeast Asia at Kek Lok Si, that infidel place.

Thou, Allah, come highly recommended. Your Messiah, Anwar Ibrahim, your greatest gift to Malaysia (3) says we should turn to you and thus we’ve. Hear our prayers for we are the same One of the Book. That crown looter of our beloved country Najib Razak says we are Chinese chauvinist. Stupid man: in this prayer alone we show to the world who we are – not Chinese, and more Malay than that pendatang. Like Thou, we are none of most and all of those.

All gods and any god have their uses. But Thou, Allah, is the greatest of all these gods. We offer even our party’s charter to Thou; we changed it. Faith shall cease to come from the individual heart; we make it state policy. No man in Penang, no member of DAP, as told by American Express, shall leave home without it – without Islam, the Only True Faith. But keep this, please, a covenant and a secret between us. Especially tell not Saint Hannah; she’d call me backslider and Thou knoweth how I despise those Mohamad Ah Hoe type labels.

Let the Tok Guru know our intentions for he lies in bed, sick, and Thou has plans for him?

Our dear friends, PAS, are the Party of God; we, the DAP, are the Party of Moses. Our ten thousand saints and saintresses shall march forth from the Mount Kek Lok Si to Putrajaya, cross the sea, not the bridge nor pay Umno toll, we in the front, PAS behind us, but Anwar, Thou’s Messiah, we fear, shall have to watch from farther behind, behind bars. Still we shall take Putrajaya, our Jerusalem; it’ll be for him and for Thou and we know great rewards in gold and silver, in high positions await us – wealth beyond our wildest dreams. Our party members understand this: pray, pray, pray, pray and pray; never mind to whom. Yet, Thou knoweth my soul; we prepare these kafir saints and saintresses, the Great Islamic State of Penang. Some might be insincere; however, Thou knoweth my heart, this heart of Thy Caliph, Lim Guan Eng, but call me David King Mohamed Lim. Ameen.

King David’s footnotes:

  1. Attributed to Lim Kit Siang.
  2. Attributed to Hannah Yeoh.
  3. Attributed to Azizah, wife of Anwar.
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