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Archive for June 19th, 2011

The Perils of Being Born to Hanny ‘High Class’ Yeoh.

Me, not Ching, not Thambi. Me, SheRa, daughter of Ram.

Yes, of course… you don’t look like anything mommy ever wanted. Not a ram, not she-goat, not Melayu, not Indian, Chinese for the ‘time being’.
Ramachandran: look what you did! Or, is it Hannah’s fault? Don’t lose hope, though; have faith in Jesus and try again. Next time, shag well.

The two Saintresses of Haris ‘Anak Malaysia’ Ibrahim.

Hannah: I tell you a secret. You don’t tell anybody. Okay? … This Rama, he really hopeless. The baby came out not Indian, not Chinese. Don’t know look like what. Even the NRD won’t accept. I should’ve got a Mat Salleh. Myself not racist, don’t discriminate, everybody also I accept. What you think-ah?
Nurul: I don’t know lah, Hannah… I must ask daddy. These things he has more experience.

*****

Hannah and the Clerk: NRD Dialogues

Clerk: Puan, itu race belum siap…

Hannah: I want to leave it blank.

Clerk: Kenapa?

Hannah: It’s my human right.

Clerk: Ma’cam tu, kami pun ada human rights kalau nak bagi warganegara.

Hannah: O…?

Clerk: Tulis la… apa itu susah. 27 juta orang manusia sudah siap. Yang awak sa’ja nak bagi problem.

Hannah: Wait… I want to call my lawyer Stupid Mee. I demand counsel.

Clerk: Apa itu Stupid Me?

Hannah: My lawyer Mr Mee. He’s with Lawyer Burok LLC.

Clerk: Sebelum awak ada seks, ada talipon dia tak?

Hannah: How dare you talk to me like this? I’ll sue you. You know who I’m?

Clerk: Tak tau…

Hannah (recalling Jenice): Saya ADUN! Saya ADUN!

Clerk: Yang YB waah… kali yang pertama saya jumpa seorang YB. Minta ma’af, minta ma’af….

Hannah: Look at my baby. What do I write?

Clerk: Bagi dekat sikit. Saya nak tengok…

Hannah: Luckily she is not dark like her father

Clerk: Bapa dia orang India?

Hannah: Yeah. He’s so black! When she saw him first time, my granny nearly fainted.

Clerk: Tak’pa kalau you nak tulis India atau Cina.

Hannah: But she is not Chinese or Indian. How? I’ll put Anak Malaysia.

Clerk: Anak Malaysia? Apa itu kaum?

Hannah: It’s anak Malaysia race. How come you don’t know!

Clerk: Tetapi itu bukan kaum. Itu warganegara.

Hannah: No, I want to put anak Malaysia. It’s my right!

Clerk: Anak belum confirm warganegara Malaysia sebelum pendaftaran. Tak boleh.

Hannah: But look here… I put down Christian although she’s not Christian.

Clerk: Yang itu – anak ikut bapa/emak. Kenapa tulis Kristian, tetapi untuk kaum awak tak mahu?

Hannah: She follows me. I’m a Christian. We’ll meet Jesus Christ together.

Clerk: Ma’cam tu bagus lah… Tulis la Cina atau India – yang mana awak suka.

Hannah: She is not Chinese or Indian. She anak Malaysia.

Clerk: Memang tak boleh. Tulis la Cina

Hannah: … wait… wait

Clerk: Kenapa nak tunggu lagi. Sudah lama kita bincang ini problem.

Hannah: Okay. I write Chinese. She is Chinese. But for the time being only. Okay?

Clerk: Tak’pa kalau lain hari nak tukar… tukar lah, orang Cina tukar India, India tukar Cina.

Hannah: Actually, if you look at her she is not very fair. People say when she grow older she’ll grow darker. I worry. What if she becomes black….

Clerk: Macam tu tukar kaum, tulis Negro.

Hannah: How can… one day Chinese, one day Indian, next day Negro.

Clerk: Kami faham…. Susah nak jadi emak.

Hannah: I should have married a Mat Salleh. Guaranteed, sure one, to come out white….

Clerk: Awak natural birth atau potong…

Hannah: Myself natural birth. Pain like hell. Aiyoh… and the blood nearly black. My panties all kena like Muniandy colour.

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