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Archive for October 22nd, 2018

Don’t forget to bring your keris, Hisham. Seeing it, we’ll shake all over and bow to all your demands.

You should also know that in this part of the world, winter comes early. The birds, too, have flown. Somewhere. Beijing yesterday morning was 7 degrees C so get yourself some woolens, Hisham, preferably home knitted, like the ones below. (My girlfriend made it.) You have none? We’ll take care of that. What size do you wear?

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https://screenshotscdn.firefoxusercontent.com/images/60a68170-0c3e-4f41-b2a2-b5a34683f0c5.png

That headline (above) says a lot, doesn’t it?

1. That the regime of Mahathir Mohamad is useless, his foreign minister — that Saiful Wash Underwear Abdullah — even worse than amateur incompetency. That if the entire state of Malaysia, this self-glorified democratic champion of Asia liberalism, is helpless against one man, they now have to turn to you, a man as hapless as Jho Low? BTW, your past ‘connections’ don’t work in China. That’s now how we do things, not anymore, unlike your pariah country.

2. That Mahathir regime might get away with bullying Myanmar, and before that the local Chinese in Malaysia and Singapore, and even release 1000 Uyghurs and cancel 1000 ECRLs. But, against us, the real Chinese, we will what…? Go down on our knees? He can’t win. No, instead, we can put him away. The Uyghurs? Why, these stupid reporters, shipping them from Turkey to Urumqi is far, far nearer — and cheaper. Thanks, and no thanks, stupid mamak Kutty.

3. That we, the Chinese of China, will abandon our Malay friends in Malaysia for a couple of billion dollars? Go fuck your mama, Kutty, maybe then we’ll do it. She’s dead? Go masturbate over your father’s grave, after that pee over it.

4. That Mahathir regime ain’t sure he can win in the courts against Najib Razak. Imagine, hence, the repercussions, political, everything. The mamak Kutty goes down and he takes with him the entire bunch of Anglophile liberals, and new Malaysia, too! It could mean their turn next at the dock, starting with Muhkriz….

5.  That, assuming Hisham isn’t being presumptuous (about Low’s whereabouts, for eg.), we are amenable to persuasion, reasoning, and even deal making? Make us an offer we can’t refuse….

In other words, what can be more important than Jho Low’s life? What is more important than the honor we attach to our word; what’s more important than we safeguard our friends and never to abandon them in bad times? (In this regard, we’re not talking about Joey.) And, please, don’t talk to us money. You insult us: We have lots and lots and lots of that, in USD, too, and gold! Want some? And, also, don’t read the Nikkei Asian Review or Mkini for the answer tips: What the fuck do reporters know?

To know the real answer to No. 5, Hisham, understand Chinese culture. We don’t want you to make some grand announcement then come back empty-handed, do we? Do you know what failure means to you, personally, and to that mamak regime?

You’ve got a foot in the door that even that mamak Kutty couldn’t get in a crack. Think, Hisham, think…. And, please, don’t ask Robert Kuok along. It shows you are so outdated. Certainly don’t bring Rais Hussin because you’ll be shocked by what we’re capable of doing to him; in front of his 1 million Xinjiang ummah brothers, strap him to five horses, each whipped to go in five directions. After that, even your Allah won’t recognize him. Khashoggi is nothing, so much trouble requiring 15 people? These Arabs….

Show us your negotiation skills instead. We admire that in a person. Show us that the true Malays are smarter than mamaks and Anglophiles. Also be sincere in what you want to accomplish. We Chinese hate nothing more than some forked-tongue snake oil mamak and Saifuddin underwear salesmen. They are just so much yada, yada. No ivory ever comes out of the teeth of rabid dogs.

Sure you want to come to China? If so, welcome. Leave your keris behind; you ain’t seen nothing yet.

It need not be just for Jho Low because, really, that’s a small matter, not even worth the hair on an oxen’s back. There are more important things to talk about. After that, before you go, we’ll show you a Jiangsu flower farm (below) because the harvest will start soon, before everything freezes. Pretty isn’t it?

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While in China, Hisham, try our tea, above. Our Emperor happens to be in town as well. Consultation hours are open, below.

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